Essay on Forgiveness in Therapy

Forgiveness and reconciliation are equally important in a relationship; whether family or any other relationship. Forgiveness in therapy emerged first in the late 1900s from the cognitive-behavioral intervention theory. When a person is hurt, it is important for him/her to let go of the emotions and forgive the offender; however, it is difficult to let go of something that someone has done and hurt. Someone may be able to let go but unable to forgive because they cannot easily forget the things that the another person has done to them. This paper will examine the concept of forgiveness in therapy and its significance to the well-being of a person.

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Forgiveness is a term mainly associated with the Christian perspective based on the ancient biblical teachings. The definition as applied in psychology is derived from the biblical perspective that forgiveness is the act of changing and overcoming the anger emotions in ones heart within the moral grounds. However, in psychology, the concept of forgiveness is mainly understood as the ability to reduce the avoidance of a person who has caused pain or harm to another person. It is also known as the ability to let go and abandon ones negative perception, judgment and indifferent behavior towards someone who has unjustly hurt another person. All these definitions aim at arriving at the same thing which is being able to reconcile and forget everything bad that someone has done; beginning a new chapter and forgetting the past. Some people find it difficult to deal with their problems, and they are unable to forget the wrong things that other people have done to them.

Forgiveness therapy is a victim-oriented therapy which aims at providing psychological support to the victims who are unable to forgive the people who offended them (Macaskill, 2005). Human beings are involved in a constant conflict with one another because of the disturbances that mainly emerge from the blames on the things that have already happened and passed. The inability to let go of the past makes it difficult for one to make another step ahead because he/she will keep getting dragged back by the things that have happened that he/she cannot let go of. The concept of forgiveness in therapeutic activities has been given little attention because of the criticism and barriers from other disciplines apart from psychology. For example, the religious argument about forgiveness has posed a huge threat to the application of forgiveness in psychological therapeutic related activities (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000). Traditionally, the term forgiveness was known to be associated with religious concepts. For a long time, the term has been considered to be related to theological concepts giving it little attention to therapeutic functions. Some part of psychology also ignores the concept and applicability of forgiveness (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000); for instance, psychoanalytic theorists like Freud have not referenced any concepts of forgiveness. Forgiveness also faces a potential threat to the concept of justice in which forgiveness is believed to obstruct and hinder the realization of justice. Natural justice proponents claim that any form of wrongdoing must be punished and when forgiveness is involved it means that the punishment will not be delivered (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000). Despite the criticisms, it does not mean that the concept of forgiveness does not apply in therapeutic activities. In fact, forgiveness is useful in conflict resolution. Scholars argue that forgiveness is a human virtue which is the most desirable outcome in a conflict situation.

Revenge seeking and grudge holding are things that are created by a social environment where people live in (Jacinto & Edwards, 2011). Forgiveness has been found to be beneficial to good health. Health mental studies show that forgiveness contributes to the development of a healthy physical and mental state of a person. People are unable to forgive the people who hurt them are unable to develop positive relationships with other people (Jacinto & Edwards, 2011). They find it difficult to trust other people because they hold the perception that everyone is the same and other people might hurt him/her the way others have hurt him/her in the past. They forever live in fear to let other people in their lives. However, people who forgive their offenders find it easy to form new relationships and create stable relationships with other people. Although this might be hazardous as people might get used to the fact that he/she does not hold grudges with people and they might hurt him/her even more, but it is important because one needs to reduce the emotional burdens that might contribute to some other psychological discomforts.

Inability to forgive wrongdoings has been found to be related to negative health conditions. Inability to forgive may lead to the development of negative attitudes such as anger, hostility, and blame which have been linked with poor health conditions (Lamb, 2005). Inability to forgive means that someone is unable to let go of the past; he/she will continue carrying on with the burden of grudge and desire for revenge that might prevent him/her from enjoying and getting the satisfaction of life. Forgiveness is related to an emotional disorder that can lead to mental related infections. Forgiveness in therapy has four main stages or processes in which a victim is taken through during the therapy session. Recognition is the first stage or process involved in the forgiveness in therapy in which victims are expected to get informed about what their offenders have done to them that makes them infuriated at them (Jacinto & Edwards, 2011). This stage involves the victim understanding why he/she is in that angered state; understanding the cause of grudge or desire for revenge. The second stage is the responsibility stage where the victim is expected to act on his emotions after recognizing them. Taking responsibility is rebuilding a new relationship with the offender; this stage requires guidance as most people do not easily let go of the wrong things that other people have done to them. Expression of the emotions is the third stage in which the victim is expected to learn to share the emotional discomfort ideas with other people (Jacinto & Edwards, 2011). For example, expression of emotions can mean that the victim informs the offender that he/she has been offended by his/her actions. Lastly, recreating is another stage involved in the process in which victims are expected to forget and develop new relationships with the people that have offended them. This last stage needs the victim to let go of everything that the offender has done to him/her so as to rebuild a new relationship. Although many people find the last two stages difficult to deal with and realize them it is important to consider trying them because they determine whether someone will stay happy or remain in isolation and fear of trusting again.

There are two types of forgiveness; the interpersonal forgiveness and the self-forgiveness (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2000). The two types of forgiveness are equally important in a conflict situation because everyone is offended and offends at the same time. Therefore, before one is forgiven for the wrongdoing that he/she has done he/she must learn to forgive him or herself; learn to self-forgive. The four descriptive therapeutic stages need to be considered during forgiveness in a therapy session as they are equally important for the process to be successful. One cannot forgive before recognizing the problem and learning to take responsibility for his/her emotions by reacting in the right way.

In conclusion, as much as it is difficult to accept people who have offended us back to our lives again; however, we must accept the fact that we cannot live with the burden of being emotionally disturbed forever because someone has offended or hurt us. Forgiveness in therapy is important and significant in building strong personal and interpersonal relationships. People need to forgive for them to be forgiven as well; everyone makes a mistake, and at one point he/she will need to be forgiven.

References

Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.Jacinto, G. A., & Edwards, B. L. (2011). Therapeutic stages of forgiveness and self-forgiveness. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 21(4), 423-437.

Lamb, S. (2005). Forgiveness Therapy: The Context and Conflict. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 25(1), 61.Macaskill, A. (2005). The treatment of forgiveness in counselling and therapy. Counselling Psychology Review, 20(1), 26-33.