A Married Lady in a Violent Relationship
I was interviewing a woman who has been in a violent relationship and has looked for all the possible strategies to make peace with the husband. First, she told me she has tried to withhold criticism at all times. This has been successful .The husband has been able to gain his glory though at times he does things she doesn't like. Sometimes he makes decisions she doesn't like but she has to cope with it and then later look for a way to correct him indirectly. Another strategy she employed was giving herself a timeout. She organizes holidays for herself and her husband, and there they get time to bond again. This strategy reduces the anger in them for some time. She has also learned not to interrupt in conversations. She has discovered that listening is a vital communication skill. Afterward, she responds in a sober and calm tone so that it doesn't cause violence. She also told me that they had visited a marriage counselor for a couple of times. At first, it didn't seem to work until her husband dedicated himself to making the relationship work. Both of them also applied another strategy of managing technology. She said back then technology regarding mobile phone and laptops took most of their time and they had no time to understand each other. Hence when they learned to put away the phone in the house, they learned to share the time doing what both loved.
There are strategies she employed that didn't work. One is the development of empathy. She tried to do things that will please the husband so that he can stop being violent but it was all in vain. Another strategy was keeping the relationships that work and letting go those that are breaking. This messed her up completely till she came back to herself.
A Person in Conflict With His Brother
Another interview I had was with a man called John who never got along with his brother named Richard. John because he was Christian has tried to solve the misunderstanding that exists between him and his brother. Richard, according to John, is stubborn and drinks too much. Hence John has employed many strategies to help solve the problems with Richard. One approach he applied was talking to the parents about it. This strategy was successful since Richard respects his parents. The issue they had about sharing the profits from their inherited shop was solved. Another issue came up, and now this time the parents refused to address it for them since they regarded them as adults. So John had to look for an alternative. This time around John let Richard have according to his wish. This was a successful strategy though John was not happy about it. So the next time John employed another strategy. This time he took charge of his life, and he stopped listening to Richard unending complains. He did what he knew was right and Richard lacked whom to complain to. So, in the end, Richard minded his business.
The unsuccessful strategies he employed were letting Richard take whatever he wanted. This made Richard bully him and see as if he had successes in his conquest. He, therefore, went along and took more that didn't belong to him. Another strategy that was unsuccessful was telling Richards friends to talk to him. This issue brought conflict.
A Person in Conflict With His Employer
I was interviewing this young lady whom to her; her boss hates her. She claims that her boss puts her last in favors and gives her hard roles. According to her, the result may be because she does her job excellent and has good grades from school, so her boss may feel threatened. Due to this reasons, she has tried several strategies so that the boss feels safe in his position and not hate her. One strategy she employed was being submissive. She did all that the boss asked her with no complaints. In the end, the boss felt he had control over her. Another strategy she employed was talk or give suggestions less so that the boss sees she knows nothing. This way he feels he is the pioneer of every idea. She also practiced empathy. That is she did everything to please her boss. It reached a point she could even make coffee and take it to her boss office with no expectations of a reward. These strategies were critical in building a successful relationship with her boss.
There were also strategies she employed that didn't work for her favor. One was acting invisible. What I mean by this is avoiding her boss at all cost unless it's unavoidable. This was an unsuccessful strategy since her boss always came looking for her and her actions brought more problems than solutions. Another strategy she employed was doing precisely what the boss detested so that he could stop hating her. This made him despise her more, and that was one of the mistakes she did.
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