How To Manage Conflict in Romantic Relationships? - Essay Sample

Introduction

Disagreements and conflicts are at the core of every relationship, especially romantic relationships. The stability and functionality of a relationship depend on how the parties involve approaching the conflict. Inability to resolve conflicts is one of the major factors leading to divorce cases in many marriages. However, partners who can resolve their conflict constructively are more satisfied in their relationship and also have a lower risk of divorce. Further, partners who are unable to settle disagreements in a relationship have the danger of facing the same problem in the future since unresolved conflicts recur. Extensive studies conducted shows that the more constructive the conflict resolution mechanism is in a relationship, the higher the chances of healthy marital life. It is important to note that the causes of unresolved conflict are severe in a relationship. As already mentioned, divorce is one of the results of unresolved conflicts. Additionally, a poor conflict resolution framework in a relationship may result in marital violence. In the midst of these disagreements, constructive interpersonal communication styles are useful in conflict management in romantic relationships.

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Conflict in relationships has been explained by some myths and theories. One of the myths views conflict as a sign of weak interpersonal relationship. The view is an assumption that the cause of any conflict is underlying problems in the relationship. However, the myth is untrue. Conflicts and disagreements in a relationship at times show a free expression of the partners to the challenges facing them (Knee, Porter, & Rodriguez, 2014). Most people assume that a polite talk is a sign of lack of conflict. While this view could be true, it is important to note that the free expression by partners could symbolize trust and a show that partners are comfortable with each other. Secondly, some people operate under the assumption that relationships can always be avoided in a romantic relationship. This view is based on many people's upbringing as they are taught that conflicts are undesirable. It is abnormal for people always to agree since different people view and understand the world uniquely. Therefore, it is impossible to avoid conflicts in relationships.

The other mythical view is that conflicts in relationships always occur because of misunderstanding in a relationship. This approach takes into account that the lack of understanding in relationships is the cause of conflict. However, most conflicts are not a result of a misunderstanding. In most cases, couples understand what ought to be done, but disagree on whose interest should come first. Lastly, there is a view that conflicts can always be resolved. However, not all disagreements can be resolved. Some of them are so intense that individuals choose to live with them. These myths about conflicts in relationships are some of the major obstacles to constructive conflict management in romantic relationships.

One of the constructive ways of managing conflicts in romantic relationships is learning and using good communication skills. Most conflicts arise when partners are not in a position to correctly read words or behaviors of the other partner - interpretation of these words and behaviors require the use of communication skills. Notably, these communication skills can be learned, and hence every couple can learn how to manage their conflict constructively. Knowledge of the most effective skills will help the individuals deliberately practice them in their relationships and hence a more healthy relationship ("3 Powerful Skills to Manage Conflict in Relationships - Relationship Problems 'EUR" Tools to Build and Maintain a Healthy Marriage," n.d.). The most effective communication skills are empathy, probing and self-disclosure. Studies have shown that these skills are key elements in the constructive management of conflicts in relationships.

Being empathetic require a feeling-oriented response which is characterized by understanding and sensitivity. Empathy is one way to diminish negative feelings which could be a barrier to communication when not managed. In other words, being empathetic means that you tune into the other persons feeling at the time. It is listening to that reflects on feelings and goes beyond the words that are heard and the behaviors that can be observed. Partners who can read the feelings of their counterparts and respond accordingly are at a higher chance of having healthy relationships("3 Powerful Skills to Manage Conflict in Relationships - Relationship Problems 'EUR" Tools to Build and Maintain a Healthy Marriage," n.d.). However, lack of empathy results to partners having two different worldviews, experiencing different feelings and as a result, disagreement last longer. Consequently, these disagreements become toxic to the relationship and in most cases, it results in termination of such relationship.

Probing is an inquisitive approach to conflict resolution. The skill requires that one of the partners ask questions to gain more understanding and information of what the real issue is. The use of open questions is necessary for focusing on others' general thoughts, situation, reactions, and feelings. On the other hand, use of closed questions aims at getting the specific aspects or facts of the partner's situation("3 Powerful Skills to Manage Conflict in Relationships - Relationship Problems 'EUR" Tools to Build and Maintain a Healthy Marriage," n.d.).. They generally evoke a "yes" or "no" response. It is important to note that probing is a show that the partner cares about the situation of the other. It boosts the confidence that he/she can share the feelings at the moment. It is generally hard for people to open up, especially when angry or going through tough situations. Probing is one of the impactful ways of getting the partners open up and shares the issue(Knee, Porter, & Rodriguez, 2014. The use of open question will be more useful since the partners will be in a position to explore the problem at hand and thus getting a constructive solution.

Self-disclosure is perhaps one of the least used skills in communication between partners. It requires that partners share something about themselves that is related to the conversation. Such things shared in self-disclosure include personal beliefs, attitudes, experience, and values. This skill reduces anxiety and creates reassurance to the other person that they are not alone in what they are facing. Disclosing about one's beliefs, values, experiences, and attitudes help in understanding the partner's point of view. Different people hold different value system.

Further, the experiences differ greatly. For example, one may react to a situation based on a former hurt from a family member or a previous partner. Also, people have much insecurity from their experience which sabotages the success of their current relationships. In such situations, self-disclosure is a crucial skill in arriving at the problem and dealing with the problem as it is.

Apart from the above communication skills, it is also critical that people check their partner's perception of them. It is not always wise to react negatively to feedback from other people. It is wise that partners become objective especially on their behaviors and actions. Self-perception always comes from feedback from other people. Whether the feedback is negative or positive, it goes a long way in understanding of oneself ("Conflict Resolution | Loveisrespect.org," n.d.). The best and the strongest relationship is the one that is built on the willingness by partners to share their perceptions of each other. Checking perceptions can be done either indirectly or directly. Indirect checking perception is perhaps the hardest to achieve for the most couple. This check involves to passive interrogation of the other person attitude and reaction (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2016). Whether through checking the tone, movements or general reaction, one should be able to check the others person perception.

Conversely, direct perception checking involves direct probing of the other partner to understand their point of view. As discussed earlier, one can question by use of either open or closed questions. Closed questions are more useful in this case as the other partner gives facts and specific feedback (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2016). This strategy goes a long way in the cultivation of a healthy and constructive conflict management framework in a relationship.

Furthermore, it is necessary that partners learn how to describe their feelings as opposed to evaluation of behaviors. None of the partners would like to be evaluated or judged (Knee, Porter, & Rodriguez, 2014). People tend to develop a defensive attitude when they learn that they are being evaluated. To achieve nonevaluation attitude of others, one should avoid as much as possible the use of accusatory "you" in the communication. This form of accusation is an abuse to a person self-worth and creates a defensive reaction.

Conversely, developing the ability to express one's feeling on the issue at hand is a more healthy approach in resolving the conflict. The approach shows ownership of the problem and consequently leads to openness in the discussion (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2016). Expression of one's feelings employs the use of the word "I." Surprisingly, most people tend to do a self-evaluation when the other partner owns up the problem. They tend to ask and interrogate the contribution into the conflict and hence arrive at a solution much easier.

Last but not least, there are other tips that have been suggested by scholars to aid conflict management in a relationship. These tips include setting of boundaries in a relationship, finding the real issue, agreeing to disagree, compromise when possible in the discussion and consider different aspects about the conflict. Some disagreements are not easy to agree. For example, it could be the choice on which food to eat, which channel to watch or which friends to hang out with. Although these examples may seem petty, they may result in a major conflict as one of the partners may feel disregarded. It is not always possible to have your way in a relationship. At times, one of the partners will have to compromise to avoid a much serious problem. In a more serious case, lack of an agreement on an issue is resolved by dropping the issue altogether. This action is agreeing to disagree. As mentioned earlier, the assumption that all conflicts can be resolved is a lie. Therefore, it is wise for partners to drop disagreements that lack common ground. For example, one may prefer to watch a horror movie, while the other one prefers to watch a documentary (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2016). If an agreement lacks such a case, the partners can choose to drop watching a movie altogether.

Conclusion

In conclusion, interpersonal communication is a critical element in the management of conflicts sins a relationship. The ability to establish a healthy working relationship lies behind the deliberate steps taken by both partners to communicate effectively. Disagreements are common in relationships, and the assumption that it is possible to avoid these conflicts is not true. Conflict shows that partners can express themselves freely and are comfortable with each other. It is flattering to avoid conflict and could result in even faster termination. However, even though conflicts are a common occurrence in romantic relationships, their management shapes the destiny of the relationship. As such, partners ought to learn good communication styles and skills which will help them resolve their conflict in a constructive way. Such skills include being empathetic while listening, being able to prob...