Couple Counseling: Case Study

Introduction

James and Judith have been married for six years. They had dated for three years before they got married and were feeling happy about their relationship to a point both of them were eager to have children. They have two children: a daughter of six years and a son of three years. Ann is Asian and a stay at home mom while Jake is a Native American working with Marine Corps. Both of them have attained college education, but Judith is currently taking up part-time classes. James has been in the military for six years. The couple has moved five times in four years because of military disorders. James has been in one military development which has led to being separated from his family on particular evenings. Judith feels like she is unable to cope with house chores, raise children and still have James stay away from her. Voluntarily, James and Judith walked to a community counseling center in hopes of improving their marital relationship.

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Initially, Judith was okay with the military appointments issued to James, but when the nominations came largely, the couple began arguing a lot about raising the children, house chores and Judith being left alone at home. James blamed Judith for not being understanding, yet these appointments would feed her and the children. Judith, on the other hand, blamed James for not prioritizing the family and not being available when he was needed. The arguments continued to get heated, and Judith began thinking of going back to her home in Asia. Although, both Judith and James still want to try to make their marriage work and in an attempt to mend things, they scheduled an appointment at a counseling center. However, shortly after the first session, James overseas appointments increased. To them, this was a sign that they should fight to raise the family even though things were not looking okay. Every time James came back from his military appointments, the fights got worse. Judith began to beg James to quit his job and find another one that would make him come home every day.

At this time, James agreed to every appointment addressed to him and some point he would stay two weeks before coming home. Judith became tired, and in as much as they were unhappy, she did not see the need of going back to Asia. Being an immigrant, Judith had made so many sacrifices for her relationship and her children, and both of them agreed to get to therapy. In a brief interview, Judith and James made it clear that they were not considering getting a divorce. They both felt that their family would be made stronger only if they could work out their problems and avoid anything causing distress in their relationship. In a session with them, Judith and James were made to make complaints against each other. They both agreed that they argued over minor issues. James said that every time he came back home, Judith would engage him in very heated arguments at least once a week.

James also explained that the small things they argued about could turn into a big fight which involved comparing James to other men, criticizing him, yelling, swearing (Judith), throwing objects (Judith) and fist biting (James). They both agreed that the lack of alone time, as well as the stress caused by James career, were significant concerns. James' concerns about Judith included jealousy (having been lied to by the previous boyfriend while away) and trust. Judith concerns include dissatisfaction in their sexual life and unequal division of labor. The first session with the couple involved having them talk about the issues they had, the frustrations and what they thought caused them problems.

Existing literature agrees that there is an interrelationship between conflict, sexual satisfaction, and marital well-being. With reference to Metz and Epistein (2002), conflict results into partner dissatisfaction and the lack of appreciation could influence sexual pleasure (p 139). On the one hand, being in a distressed relationship that thrives on conflict can interfere with arousal, sexual desire, and intimate behavior. In different research by Belange, Laughrea & Lafontaine (2001), there is proof that the frequency of conflict and increased anger intensity in marital relationships could interfere with sexual dissatisfaction. According to these researchers, using evaluation and interventions designs could improve sexual satisfaction in marriage especially in relationships that account for conflict between partners (p 98). This same research revealed that women are more susceptible to anger manifestations from their partners. With this said, it means that for women to have pleasurable sexual responses, the levels of conflict in relationships must be reduced.

From this research, I would conclude that Judith must not focus on any of the problems listed by her because such issues are connected. For John and Carla to improve their marital well-being, I have realized that I must help them learn to engage in less conflict, reduces their instances of anger and by doing this the chance of having a healthy marriage would increase. James involvement with military might be linked highly to the amount of conflict experienced in their relationship. High conflict levels usually characterize military relationships and families because of their unique lifestyles. One of the most significant stressors in military homes is frequent and long separations from those in operations. After reading Rotter and Boveja's (1999) article of Counseling Military Families, I concluded that acknowledgment of extra stress in the couple's life must happen to provide a less active therapy for family functioning.

Given the characteristics I know about John and Carla, I would demonstrate good couple therapy by having them walk into all sessions hand in hand before presenting them with interventions needed to restore their marriage. In my mock session with John and Carla just like it was with James and Judith, I would put the couples into presenting problems. I would have them discuss what they have come to talk. To begin with, my mock therapy session will kick off by asking my clients to tell a story of how they met. This would enable them to relax and remember the functional elements of their relationship and slowly work them up to their present (Corey 2004). Another intervention will involve drawing up the couple's joint family tree. This intervention is essential because it helps reveal essential life events- the birth of children, abuse of a spouse before, any thoughts of divorce among others. With this intervention, I will make sure to stay within the bigger agenda of helping each partner to be emotionally honest, understand each other's feelings and help each other get through the tricky bits. Many times, people try to avoid this pain by ignoring, rationalizing and denying it. However, once all issues are acknowledged openly and the fear is removed, then the problems become soluble. Sacrificing to stay in a foreign country could have escalated the conflict in Judith and James marriage. Probably Judith does not find comfort in her new environment and so being an immigrant married to a Native American could warrant her seeking support from her husband who sometimes is not available.

From the case of John and Clara, the couple in the above case study could avoid bad couple therapy by learning to work out their differences in a respectful and non-defensive way. The most important thing that Judith and James could learn from John and Clara is that the power to restore their relationship lies in them. Developing a structure is one of the ways to avoid bad couples's therapy according to Doherty (2002). In my interaction with the couples, I will form a structure where spouses are not allowed to interrupt each other or talk over each other (p 1). In my arrangement, I will not watch and obsess as spouses speak for each other, make attacks and counter-attacks. To avoid back couples therapy, I would refer Judith and James to the case of John and Clara who recognized that they had the ability and desire to restore their relationship into a healthy and comforting place. In referring to John and Clara's case, I would also acknowledge and validate each partner's experience, and perception of the situation as Gottman (1999) recommends.

To show them their ability, I would avoid bad couples' therapy in this case by switching the focus to action and challenging the couple to make specific requests of the other and have them think of something they are both willing to do to solve the problem. In doing this, I will use Gottman's oral history and meta-emotion interviews to accomplish the task of bringing the couple back to their initial state of happiness. With reference to Doherty (2001), I would avoid bad couples therapy by recommending changes in the couple's day to day relationship. Most therapists behave as if insight alone is enough to assist couples to change their patterns of acting and thinking. In my structure, I will incorporate interventions meant to teach couples a new way of interaction. Individuals who are multiracial most times describe experiences of being unsure about self-identification, feeling alienated and frustrated with the tendencies others ascribe to them. As a therapist, it is essential to understand these challenges in immigrant communities to achieve a culturally competent practice.

Conclusion

After avoiding bad couples' therapy, James and Judith as a couple would fare by conducting discussions every day about how their days had gone, and this would arouse compassion thus lasting relationships. Other waiting till evening to kick off discussions, the couples would fare by making requests for connections; an action which Gottman calls 'bids.' For instance, in the bids, the husband would see a bird flying and with enthusiasm call his wife who would later reply to the view by saying 'what a beautiful bird it is.' In such a scenario, the wife is not just connecting about the bird but also ensuring response to the husband which shows signs of support and interest with the hope that James and Judith will eventually be combined with after the bird discussion. Such therapeutic techniques would be helpful to James and Judith who to me seem like long term couples who are in distress and are considering separating but choose to work out their relationship. Just like other couples who have had problems achieving the intimacy and satisfaction they desire, Judith and James are confronted by a severe crisis that they believe they can resolve thus the reason why they sort for therapy.

References

Belanger, C., Laughrea, K. & Lafountaine, M. (2001). The impact of anger on sexual satisfaction in marriage. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 10(3-4), 91-100.

Corey, G. (2004). Theory and Practice of counseling and psychotherapy. Thompson Learning, USA.

Doherty, W. (2002). Bad Couples Therapy: How to Avoid it. Psychotherapy Networker Retrieved from http://www.smartmarriages.com/badcouples.doherty.html

Gottman, J. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. New York, NY: WW Norton & Company.

Metz, M. & Epstein, N. (2002). Assessing the role of relationship conflict in sexual dysfunction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 28(2), 139-164.

Rotter, J. & Boveja, M. (1999). Counseling military families. The Family Journal of Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 7(4), 379-382.